We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
