She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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