I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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