cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
