she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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