I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Randomize
