cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
