I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Operation Purity has been aborted
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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