conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
These tits shall not be calmed
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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