I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
