You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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