yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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