hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
