About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
