I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
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Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.