Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I got chris browned last night
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
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Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
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It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..