am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?