Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them