I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.