The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.