She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.