ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night