I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
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Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
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I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"