After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw