he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
