drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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