are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
