she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
