At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
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