Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize