explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
