I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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