Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
