He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
