did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize