Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're a waste of cheezeits
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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