dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
