Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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