the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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