Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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