so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize