I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
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Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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