Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
