Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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