wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
that's an acceptable place to lick
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
