he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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