Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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