I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
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Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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