Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
