i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
