I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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