if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
