I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
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I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
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I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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