I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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