I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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