Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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