drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
