I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Don't EVER smell your tampon
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
