Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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