it was like his penis was on wheels.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
