Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
