So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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