the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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