Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
