I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
