Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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