I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
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They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
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I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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