can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
