Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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