Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
