Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
