We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
